Book Club: Everyday Substitutes

In our summer book club's discussion of Chapter 2 of The Company We Keep, we recognized that, in a fallen world, we often seek out and settle for relational substitutes rather than biblical friendships. As we discussed in Chapter 1, sin turns us inward.

Because of God's common grace, relationships built on these substitutes might even thrive for a time, but they all fall woefully short of God's purposes for true friendship.

Homes identifies three types of relational substitutes: social media friendship, specialized friendship (based on stage of life or common interests), and selfish friendship. Within each of these relationship types, we sacrifice something. And because of what is lacking in these friendships, we never get to the best of biblical friendship. In fact, we often get the worst:

Often, the wounds in our lives are a direct result of insisting that somebody else be our savior and king. (Jonathan Dodson)

We often even turn them into idols, expecting the friendship to do more than friendship was ever designed to do.  Technology, social media, and common interests are helpful contexts and tools to help facilitate friendship, but friendship itself is always more than these.

Truly biblical friendship is embodied in the Trinity, empowered by Jesus Christ, and intended as a spiritual discipline among God's people for the purpose of glorifying him. This is the heart of the matter...

Friendship as a spiritual discipline?  This was, perhaps, the most thought provoking idea we discussed in Chapter 2. Discipline requires intentionality. It requires work. It means we keep the end goal in mind in order to stay the course.

And the end-goal is not me as an individual, or even us as friends. It's the glory of God.

P.S. After reading this chapter, I'm definitely interested in pursuing some of this topic further. The Next Story: Faith, Friends, Family and the Digital World is now on my books-to-get list.



 This post is the third in a series about a summer book club. If you'd like to read more, click the links below.

Post one: Summer Book Club Reading
Post two: What is Biblical Friendship?
Post four: The Marks of Biblical Friendship




This post contains affiliate links. Photo: bossfight.co

Book Club: What is Biblical Friendship?

Detail from The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo Buonarroti (public domain)

As I shared in my last post, some ladies in my church are meeting together for a book club this summer. Our first meeting was this week, and we discussed the first chapter of The Company We Keep by Jonathan Holmes.

To give us a foundation for biblical friendship, Holmes takes us to Genesis. He points out that the Trinity itself is relationship; the very first, in fact. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit exist in perfect communion with one another. He then reminds us that Adam, created in the image of God, was designed with a need for relationship, human relationship: "... part of our image-bearing capacity entails living in relationships with others -- not relationships built merely around common interests, but relationships that emanate from our very nature as image bearers."

Of course, we don't get far in Genesis before sin is born, rupturing all relationships. Holmes reminds us that without the restoration of our relationship with God, our other relationships are likewise tainted with sin. Our motivation for pursuing relationships with others is naturally marked by a desire for personal benefit. And what does the world see in this?

When a non-Christian peers into our friendships, is he or she able to see the outlines of the gospel story, the good news of Jesus Christ? When our friendships exist for our own pleasure, comfort, and relational happiness, rather than a communication of God's love and mercy in the gospel, we're telling the story badly, and we may be telling the wrong story altogether.

Thankfully, through Christ's work on the cross, our relationship with God can be restored. "As God poured out his wrath on Jesus, he restored the friendship that had been broken by our sin."

This remarkable fact reorients our earthly friendships so that, "No longer will our friendships be situated merely around common circumstances or interests, but will instead become an embodied commitment to live out the image of God together in every area of our life." "...Biblical friendship is explicitly Christ-centered."

As this is a book about biblical friendship, Holmes' focus is on our relationships with other believers; this is not a book about evangelism or being missional (other than the impact our biblical friendships can have on a watching world). These friendships are deeper and stronger than the sweet and simple common fellowship we share with other believers. Even as believers, we have much to overcome (mostly within ourselves!) as we seek to form biblical friendships. God's grace makes this possible.

One last note... after our first meeting, I'm even more thankful for this book club. Not only am I benefiting from hearing other women share what they are learning about God, themselves, and biblical friendship, but the group is actually allowing us to get our feet wet, so to speak, as we practice a little bit of what we're learning each week.

This post is the second in a series about a summer book club. If you'd like to read more, click the links below.


Post one: Summer Book Club Reading
Post three: Everyday Substitutes  
Post four: The Marks of Everyday Friendship




This post contains affiliate links.

Summer book club reading

I've never been a part of a book club before, but I've just jumped in with both feet!

A group of women from our church will be meeting weekly to discuss The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship by Jonathan Holmes. The ladies have been asked to consider the following questions after reading each chapter:

• What most surprised me in this chapter?
• What scriptural truth did I learn?
• What was my favorite quote from the author?
• How am I motivated to change?

These questions, along with the "Digging Deeper" questions found at the end of each chapter, will help to focus our discussions. The plan is to discuss one chapter each week (there are six), then have some sort of wrap up meeting the seventh week.

It's my goal to post a bit about each chapter and our discussion after each of our weekly meetings, so check back to learn more about what we're doing. And feel free to grab a copy (paperback, Kindle and other ebook formats are all available) and join me here in talking about the book.

This post is the first in a series about a summer book club. If you'd like to read more, click the links below.
 

Post two: What is Biblical Friendship?
Post three: Everyday Substitutes  
Post four: The Marks of Everyday Friendship





This post contains affiliate links.