Chapter 3 of The Company We Keep took us a bit deeper into the nuts and bolts of biblical friendship. The chapter outlines "four characteristics that distinguish wise friendships": constancy, candor, carefulness, and counsel.
...friendship isn't so much a series of things we need to do. Friendship is more about who we need to be.
...friendship flourishes best when we seek to be and embody the type of friend we see in God himself.Constancy can be described as being dependable "through good times and bad times, in times of prosperity and adversity." We are sharing in one another's joys and sorrows, blessings and challenges (Ephesians 4:1-3). And part of being a constant friend is being available, both physically and emotionally. As we identify and act on biblical priorities in life (more on this in Chapter 4), we'll be intentional about making time for deep friendship -- and we'll build in margin for unexpected opportunities, as well. And as we grow in our own faith, we'll be able to serve others well in friendship rather than serve our emotion-of-the-moment.
Candor is courageously speaking "truth in love for the good of your friend" (Ephesians 4:15). While this may sometimes involve admonishment, more often it can simply be reminding our friend of biblical -- God's faithfulness, mercy, grace, love. Just as we must preach the gospel to ourselves every day, we can candidly encourage one another (yes, even our fellow believers!) by preaching the gospel to them every day. (And if you're looking for a great book that includes this idea of preaching the gospel to yourself, read Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges. In fact, it's a great book to read and discuss with a friend!)
Carefulness in biblical friendship "urges wisdom and consideration in how to live out the life of friendship," including including care in speech and timing, as well "wise stewardship of a friend's trust." This requires getting to know our friend well in order to serve them best. As we seek to act in carefulness, we consider the need of the moment (Ephesians 4:29).
Counsel is offered as we seek to build another up through "living out the one-another's of Scripture together" as we journey together toward Christlikeness. It's not a professional relationship, but simply purposeful friendship along life's way.
One of the things we seem to be searching for in life and relationships is to know who we are. And often, we'd like someone else to help us figure that out, to help us find our identity. But what we really need is to know Whose we are -- and we need friends who will help remind us Whose we are. The local church is a good place and natural place to seek out and build these friendships.
This post is the fourth in a series about a summer book club. If you'd like to read more, click the links below.
Post one: Summer Book Club Reading
Post two: What is Biblical Friendship?
Post three: Everyday Substitutes
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